Every person’s socio-cultural and ancestral histories and practices, as well as identity and unique spirit, inform their tangible and spirit-related interrelationships.
The ancestors and spirit-helpers that reside in us and around us are essential to our paths, unique life purpose and personal and collective growth, healing and transformation. One size does not fit all. There is diversity in how we interrelate with ancestors, spirit/s, deities and Creator. Nonetheless, here are some suggestions and useful tips for ancestral and spirit- engagement:
1. Soberness
I don’t recommend making offerings and/or intercommunicating with ancestors and spirit-helpers when drunk, stoned etc. Alcohol may be part of the ritual and ceremonial process but drunkenness doesn’t exactly convey respect or allow for a full presence. In many Indigenous-based ceremonies--in what settlers call Canada-- sobriety is a requirement for participation. This isn't the case everywhere but is nonetheless important to consider.
2. Be “Clean”
If you have a sacred room/shrine/umsamo, ensure that you wash with herbs or shower or wash post masturbation or after sex before you use your sacred room or space. This is particularly important for practicing healers. This is an issue of respect and also spiritual transference or “contamination”.
3. Preparation and Opening and Closing
Prepare yourself prior to prayer in a sacred place or space.
Putting together the materials you need is one way to prepare but also emotionally, psychologically and spiritually preparing yourself for entering this sacred connection is important.
Also, allow for “closing” of this special spiritual "meeting". That isn’t to say the communication is being cut off or removed, just that you are closing this particular engagement through words or actions (i.e. specific words or phrases--amen. Leaving candles to burn out or putting them out. Taking off traditional fabrics. Placing items in water or fire etc.)
4. Open Heart, Open Path
Engaging with your in-order ancestors and spirit-helpers requires an open heart as to give and receive fully. This also offers you a place and space to be vulnerable and to learn about vulnerability. Being rote in your words, or saying what you think you should say isn’t maximizing this engagement. Yes, there may be specific words or actions involved in keeping with socio-cultural, religious or ancestral custom, but do so in a heartfelt manner. Remember, this is also a space to meaningfully share too!
5. “I’m Pissed!”
Don’t pray or engage with ancestors and/or spirit-helpers angrily. This is a respect issue but also remember, what you give you get.
In-order spiritual forces are not responsive to angry or entitled demands or requests.
6. Offerings
Where you can offer homemade and traditional offerings i.e., specific foods or items from “back home”, natural versus plastic or refined materials and so on This allows for a greater personal effort and connection as well as conveys your efforts and intentions to your spirit-aids.
7. Timing
Doing rituals and ceremonies at times of the year specific to your socio-cultural connections and/or family members (births or deaths), seasons, moon cycles, and life cycles (pregnancy, the birth of a child, and moving to a new home) is important.
Also, specific times of the day and night are good.
In Bungoma and many Southern African traditions 12, 3 and 6 (am and pm) are important times for praying, making offerings and cleansing.
Check in with Rebecca beforehand about exact times for specific rituals.
8. “Pollution”, Contagion, and Energetic Transmissions
Bodily fluids including semen, menstrual blood and saliva have meaning. There may be restrictions around rituals and ceremonies based on gender, bodily fluids, events, experiences and human cycles (for example, post-miscarriage or abortion, suicide, death or a violent experience.)
9. Ask for help
We all need it, however, your engagement with in-order spiritual forces shouldn’t be a constant laundry list of requests and requirements that you deem necessary. These are interrelationships. The ancestors do not work for you but with you.
10. Do Your Part
As the old saying goes, God won’t do for you what you can do for yourself. The ancestors and spirit-helpers are here to collaborate, protect, shield, guide and support you. It isn’t their responsibility to fix, address or alleviate everything!
Do what you need to from your side to improve, heal, mend and address issues and concerns.
11. Be Patient
Spirit works in its own time. It can feel super slow or super-fast.
You are on spirit-time now. Go with the flow, watch for the signs, dreams and instructions.
12. Be Agile, Flexible and Willing to Change
If you want an intimate relationship with someone who is not good for you and yet you'll do anything, including praying and the use of questionable rituals and invocations to make the person love you; you can expect silence and/or a rather rude awakening from your spirit guides and helpers.
13. Not all Spiritual Forces, Energies and Entities are Friends
Disrupted and in-order spirit-helpers must be identified early on in your journey in cooperation with a healer or skilled spiritual advisor. Otherwise, you could be invoking the “aid” of detrimental energies and beings with unwanted results. Get clear on who your helpers, aids, supporters and spirit “friends” are asap.
14. Got the Message?!
Listen and follow through with the guidance and instructions from in-order spiritual forces. You won’t get more instructions or support if you have an “outstanding” ritual, offering or thing that you need to do.
Sometimes it will feel as though ancestors and spirit-helpers have withdrawn their support until you follow through with something that they have suggested, requested or demanded.
15. Are you Really Ready?
Ensure that you are ready, willing, and able to do the necessary tangible and spiritual things to improve your life, heal, and fulfil your purpose. You may not always like what is being required, needed or asked of you, but it's important to be responsive and to demonstrate response-ability.
16. Make a Plan
Don’t have the items you need because they aren’t available in the country you live in? Don’t have the money or other resources to do what is required?
Our ancestors are the greatest role models for adaptation. It is intrinsic to all living things.
It's not just part of the evolutionary process but also socio-cultural survival in the face of migration and hundreds of years of systemic oppression.
If you don’t have the materials you need for a ritual, explain that to the ancestors. Ask them if you can use an alternative and what they suggest. Maybe, you do a smaller ritual/offering to appease them until a larger ritual is completed i.e., slaughtering a cow. Don’t just leave it because it doesn’t seem possible.
Adapt where you can--and if this isn’t possible-- speak directly to your ancestors about your intentions and plans. They respect our whole-hearted intentions and efforts. After all, they know our hearts.
17. Keep Showing Up
Pray even when you don’t feel like it. Take the necessary next steps, even if they feel small--take them! You can’t eat an apple at once, only bite by bite. So, take the next bite/step now! Do what you can from where you are to shift things.
Ultimately, its harder not to do the do’s then it is to do them, because you will suffer more in the long run.
18. Spirit Works in its Own Way
No need to rush, attempt to control or push an outcome. If you are engaging with in-order ancestors and spirit-helpers; trust! Things will unfold in their own way and time.
Repeat after me, "I am not in control!" You are however empowered, so, surrender to the loving, caring and helping forces that want the best outcome for you and your family.
19. It's Okay to be angry, Hopeless, Confused, Despondent or Whatever You're Feeling!
Feeling feelings is important to healing; even if it hurts.
Our higher power/s aren't dissuaded by our occasional despondency, hopelessness, disappointment and/or frustration. The God of our understanding provides us with place and space to share, be felt, heard and seen in a non-judgment, caring and supportive manner.
Sometimes (what feels like) silence on the other side can be really important to seeing, hearing, learning and getting clear with ourselves as to ultimately move through, move on and move forward.
20. Just Because Someone Else is Doing Something...
That doesn’t mean it's for you. Many folks offer alcohol when they do river ceremonies but that doesn’t mean that that is what you are meant to do. Listen, attune and feel what in-order guidance and directions you are being given by spirit. Don't worry about what other folks are or aren't saying and doing. Keep the focus on your path.
21. Step by Step
You often won’t be given a 10-year plan--more like steps from spirit--especially to start. They want to see and understand what you can “handle” and can do. You might be in a hurry but they aren’t, or, they are in a hurry and you aren’t!
Its good to “sync up”, "sink in" and "lean in". This also helps us avoid getting too anxious, worried or frightened about the what now? Or what’s next? Just do the next best thing that you are being tasked with.
22. Patterns and Behaviours can be Altered and Corrected if We’re Willing
Engaging with in-order ancestors, spirit helpers and the God of our understanding allows us to not only interchange with divine forces for our individual and collective betterment but also to cultivate respect, trust, kindness, care and generosity.
If you are willing, you’ll learn a lot, but are you teachable?
23. Healers and Helpers are Stubborn Mother-f*c&#rs!
Pardon my French, but it's a fact! The very thing that has kept us alive through life’s tremendous challenges, is often the very thing that hinders us.
Please get out of your own way. "Thank you", From Spirit/s
Surrender is the “name of the game” here. You don’t know what’s best about all things, all the time. You are also learning and growing. When you are wrong, when you sabotage good things, make mistakes, lose opportunities, don’t follow through etc. etc. recognize your thoughts, patterns and behaviours, then, forgive yourself and well... move on. After all, you are living and learning.
24. Gratitude
Gratitude is to the healing journey what water is to living creatures. IT IS EVERYTHING!
As the saying goes, if you aren’t grateful for what you have, why would you be grateful for more?! Gratitude needs to be part of larger rituals and ceremonies and day-to-day life, thinking, feeling, and behaviours.
There is always something to be grateful for; always! Your very breath and beating heart are miraculous!
Our in-order ancestors and spirit helpers greatly appreciate our appreciation. Not just for stuff, but for our lives, relationships and them!
A grateful heart is a willing heart. It's free to give and receive, to bless and be blessed, to love and be loved, to be healed and to heal; in the deepest of ways.
25. You’re an Ancestor in the Making
You not only embody these in-order ancestors and spirit helpers. In many ways, you are them--conduct yourself appropriately.
Treat your children as the vibrant, sacred beings that they are. Respect elders as the precious ancient ones that they are becoming. Value life; in all its forms.
It's counterproductive to conduct yourself in the highest order when engaged in ritual, prayer and ceremony, but to disrespect and dishonour yourself and others in the mundane realm. You’re human, you aren’t perfect and never will be, and that is a liberating truth. You’re learning. However, endeavour to always walk your talk.
Also, please, hold yourself and others the same way your ancestors and spirit-helpers hold you, with grace, compassion, forgiveness, patience, love and kindness.
Thokozani!
Photo by Les Stone
©Rebecca Rogerson 2021
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